Iran’s Lego Slop War and the FBI’s New Precrime Center
Donald Trump reveals a failed plot to arm Iranian protesters. Israel strikes the South Pars plant. U.S. aviators are rescued. CBP buys $50 million in chemical weapons. JD Vance becomes "Fraud Czar."
US Fighter Jet Reportedly Shot Down in Iran, Rescue Underway, Bondi Outie, Big Oil Tries for Big Immunity
Iran shoots down a U.S. F-15E. Donald Trump fires Pam Bondi. Pete Hegseth ousts Gen. Randy George. Meta funds gas plants for AI. Republicans seek Big Oil immunity.
The First Toilet in Space, the Same Ol’ [Trump] Here on Earth
Trump predicts swift victory. ICE arrests 4,030 people. Mike Johnson reaches DHS deal. Dem attack Palantir ties. FEMA official claims teleportation. Trump mulls firing Bondi. College kids use AI. Taylor Lorenz logs 17 hours of screen time. Trump funds Planned Parenthood. Toilets in space.
The Latest on Brainless Human Clones
Trump sends mixed signals on Iran as his April 6 deadline looms. Supreme Court begins arguments in Trump v. Barbara to challenge the 14th Amendment, and Trump says he’ll be there. DHS pauses a $38 billion warehouse acquisition. Burgum bypasses Endangered Species Act for Gulf oil. Judge Randolph Moss blocks the NPR funding cut. The latest on brainless human clones.
Social Media Power Users Sour on Democracy, Trump Helps Iran Achieve M.A.D. Status
President Donald Trump threatens to destroy Kharg Island and Iranian desalinization plants. Tehran forces set the Al-Salmi tanker ablaze off Dubai, spiking oil prices. Secretary Pete Hegseth faces conflict-of-interest concerns over a BlackRock defense fund. GitHub removes Copilot ads after developer backlash. Gallup reports that heavy social media users increasingly distrust Democracy.
50k Troops in the Middle East, “Organ Sacks,” and an OpenClaw PR Agent Fails
Iran launches more ballistic missiles. TACO Trump sets another deadline. J.P. Morgan predicts oil shock. Alexander Heifler plots firebomb attack. R3 Bio grows organ sacks. Tyler Perry funds TSA with Visa gift cards.
Republican Guards Take Over Iran and Archeologists Find Very, Very Old Dogs
The IRGC takes over. US ground troops on the move. Humans use Palantir system Maven bombs Minab. Wall Street falls. ICE expands. Department of Education closes HQ. Maryland Supreme Court shields Big Oil. Some very old dogs.
Trump Judges War Progress via Daily Sizzle Reel
Trump mulls Iran ground troops. Oil crisis hits California. Iran rejects a ceasefire. $1 billion in taxpayer funds go to dismantling "already-viable" offshore wind projects. The remains of D’Artagnan.
Que Sora Sora: Goodbye to OpenAI’s Deepfake Slot Machine
Mattis slams Trump's Iran war. Oil reaches $175. Vance leads fraud task force. Meta fined $375M. Musk faces power suit. NASA plans $20B Moon base. Shadow MAGA defies Trump.
MAGA Fears Big Jon Ossoff, Trump Market Manipulation Fuels War and Vice Versa
Trump convinced by Netanyahu to kill Khamenei. Oil hits $119. SCOTUS weighs mail ballot bans. ICE detains 11k parents. Nvidia claims AGI. China finds massive critical minerals. Bruce Springsteen aids an ACLU birthright ad.
